I used to like my job.... really

This is a disturbingly blunt and honest post... don't judge me.

I really did used to like, even love at times, my job. The kids were cute and fun, I was flattered that parents trusted me with their kids hair, and the money was so worth it...

That's all changed. I won't claim to have the hardest job in the world, I know all jobs have their stressors. But honestly - I really do believe it's harder than your average job. Sometimes it seems as if no one really gets it, there's a reason why 75% of beauty school grads drop hairstyling withing 5 years of being licensed. At work, I'm on my feet 8.5-9 hours a day, many times leaning over a shampoo sink or akwardly positioned around a kid who refuses to sit straight or look where I ask him to.

On busy days - which are common - I do anywhere from 20-30 haircuts. Unlike your typical hairstylist, I don't just have to keep 20-30 people happy. 20-30 haircuts at my job means keeping 40-60 people happy - because mom is my client too. And thats if fussy dads or grandmas don't tag along, which they often do. Most days, I at least have one child who screams and/or thrashes during his haircut. 90% of them move constantly during their haircuts. It's really shocking how much I don't mess up or cut a child- usually just my own fingers. If I don't keep up with the rest of the salon and crank those haircuts out in 10-15 minutes, I start to hear about it in our weekly meetings. Busy days I have to fight for my lunches, because families keep walking in for haircuts. Due to the kid friendly atmosphere, I have to fake a smile ALL DAY.

Now add 6.5 months pregnant to all that.

I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party, I realize plenty of people have worse jobs, and I chose this job. You can't deny, however, my job is stressful. And I think I'm losing it. I'm becoming burnt out. I've developed a short fuse with these kids since I got pregnant. And it's not like I just have a 2 or 3 year old of my own to deal with. These kids aren't mine. I don't love them. I don't think they're darlings. I'm not immune to being grossed out by the boogers and cradle cap and messy faces and stinky diapers - I'm not mom! Sorry.

Today I got mad at 3 different situations.
- The first was when a little girl, probably not even two years old yet, stuck her foot against by belly and pushed, annoyed that I was in her face cutting her bangs. The mother bear in me came out and I screamed at her in my head, "MY LITTLE GIRL IS IN THERE YOU LITTLE SHI**!" Please don't think I'm a horrible person for thinking that. At least I still kept my fake smile on...
- The second was a little boy (whose mother had a HORRID mullet) about 5, who kept demanding that I hand him the computer mouse as soon as he sat in my chair (the kids can play computer games during their haircuts). "Give me that! Give that to me!" He kept saying repeatedly. I grabbed the mouse finally and said, "'Please', you mean?" He said "Please" and I said, "You have to use your manners here!" Did mom hear? I don't know. But I hope so. She should be embarassed that her child thinks its okay to talk to adults like that. My mom would have smacked me if I had ever talked to an adult that way!
- The third was when I'd been trying to find a spot for lunch for about an hour, and I was starving and starting to get weak and dizzy. I was just about done with a haircut and there were no more clients waiting - I was about to be able to go to lunch finally! Then some mom walks in again with three haircuts... I can't leave my coworker with three haircuts. I strangled the mom in my head. She did nothing wrong. But I was just sooo frustrated.

Okay, so I admit it! I'm bitter. And I don't like it. I'm totally being honest here, and I'm not proud of what I'm saying. But this job has made me so bitter at people (particularly inconsiderate parents and their rude kids). That, and my back and hips hurt so bad after a full day of working, which is getting worse every week... that I'm thinking I can't do this any more...

I want to be a happy, nice person. This job is no longer allowing that :(