4 Months

This past Monday my baby girl turned 4 months old. She's only going to live 4 months two more times until she's a year! (This is always how I think of things.)

We took her to the doctor on her 4 month birthday. She checked out GREAT and handled her second DTaP like an old pro. We've been so fortunate to have been given a healthy baby girl. I realized this especially the other day when I came across a website I saw once before. It's for a program called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (or NILMDTS). It's a program run by photographers who go - at any hour of day or night - to take keepsake pictures of parents with babies who didn't stay long on this earth. Reading all the testimonials from the parents made me cry. Justin then scolded me for looking at it.

But it hit me hard, again. Not only is Eisley alive but she's seemingly perfectly healthy.

SIDS is so very scary to a new hover-mom like myself. I wake up a few times each night frantically searching for signs of life in my baby. I'm slightly consoled by the fact that she's now 4 months, as the majority of SIDS deaths occur between 2 & 4 months of age. But then again she can roll now.

But it's part of my job to protect and watch over my children. It's a mother's nature. I remember Luna when she had her kittens, she became a different cat. She meant business every time we took one of her kittens to hold, she'd follow us and pick up the kitten in her mouth and bring it back to her nest, safe and sound. She also tried to kill my dog once when she got to close to the kittens. That was an interesting night... poor Bella.

Yes, like most mammal mothers, I take my job of protecting Eisley very seriously. But I also constantly worry that I'm not doing a good enough job. And I also don't want to give her a complex. How do you watch over your child effectively without being too paranoid and making them fearful and dependent? It's a fine line to walk. Ugh.