In Perspective

Tonite on the IM I was chatting with my mom, and we were both blog surfing. As I sat on my bed, rocking Eisley to sleep in my arms, I chatted and surfed with one hand.

Then we came upon this blog, about sweet precious little Cora. Little Cora wasn't even a year old when she was diagnosed with cancer. This was a little over a month ago. Unfortunately, she didn't survive. Her parents are strong Christians, however, and I'm thankful to know that sweet little Cora is with our Savior right now.

I tend to feel things very deeply, and I was reading back on the blog - going through the last month of posts - I started imagining myself in their shoes. I do this to myself, its torture. I started to feel the emptiness, even though I was just imagining the pain and the heartache I felt is a fraction compared to theirs, it became unbearable. When I saw the pictures of their baby Cora in the hospital hooked up to all those tubes and wires, my heart broke. I thought about how much I hated seeing Eis get her vaccinations last week, having to watch her go through chemo would just kill me inside.

Justin walked in on me rocking Eisley, using the computer one-handed, with tears streaking down my face. I was holding back sobs. I fought the urge to rock Eisley all night and whisper to her how much I loved her.

I'd had a somewhat blah day. Not really bad, just one of those days where several inconveniences were causing me to feel sorry for myself and annoyed with my loved ones. Being sleep deprived, frustrations with my web design software, Justin throwing dirty laundry on the floor a foot away from the hamper and about 5 loads worth of clean laundry to fold while caring for a sick and fussy baby.

But really, it wasn't a bad day at all. I got to rock my baby girl to sleep. And now here I go again, my eyes filling up once again. Some mommies had empty arms tonight.

Now excuse me while I cry myself to sleep...